12 January 2010

Remembering Ana.


You and I know roads and paths well,
what they mean though we don't always know where they lead.
I trust we will travel each other's way again someday
.

{ part of Ana's PM to me, 8 jan 07 }

. . . . .

Remembering Ana today. Not that I don't remember her often. It's just that today, I found in my inbox a short note from her sister.

I still vividly remember the night I went to her wake with Mimi. She was there, lying so peacefully in a glass casket. She looked utterly beautiful and magical, almost as if she was just asleep and dreaming happy dreams.

I still cry when I think about Ana. And I sometimes wish that those tears would find me answers to my questions. But I will stop asking why. I will stop asking why. As I promised, I will not trap Ana in this cage of questions, because I know she wants to be free.

Sometimes, when I am still awake at 4am (our usual creative time together, albeit virtual), I'd check my email hoping that she'd pop a message or two for me. But the mailbox is now always empty at 4am; and my heart, empty and sad at the loss of this gentle soul.

The last email she sent some weeks before she passed on, she ended with: "Hold on. I am holding on with you." I keep these words close each time I am in sorrow or when I feel alone.

Thank you, Ana. I hope you know you are sorely missed.

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8 left some love :

Liza January 13, 2010 at 4:12 AM  

I had a relative I loved so dearly who passed away a couple of years ago, and I still have a text from him in my old cellphone that I read over again every chance I get. So hold on to her messages. Someday you'll find that these messages will comfort you when nothing else will.

Mai.Mai January 13, 2010 at 4:12 AM  

I just woke up Ai... 4 am. Creepy.

I'm sure she's smiling up there. Amazed at how you remember her.

photosandmemos January 13, 2010 at 2:45 PM  

Ana is still alive by thoughts of peole who love her...she would be smiling right now, because, she knows she is loved,and missed after all this time.

Aileen Siroy January 14, 2010 at 12:13 AM  

Liza said...
I had a relative I loved so dearly who passed away a couple of years ago, and I still have a text from him in my old cellphone that I read over again every chance I get. So hold on to her messages. Someday you'll find that these messages will comfort you when nothing else will.

. . . . .

I kept all her letters, Liz. I read them sometimes when I miss her too much. Her words give me comfort all the time. :)

Aileen Siroy January 14, 2010 at 12:14 AM  

Mai.Mai said...
I just woke up Ai... 4 am. Creepy.

I'm sure she's smiling up there. Amazed at how you remember her.

. . . . .

I know she's smiling and happy now, too. :) And I really hope she knows how much was loved.

Aileen Siroy January 14, 2010 at 12:16 AM  

photosandmemos said...
Ana is still alive by thoughts of peole who love her...she would be smiling right now, because, she knows she is loved,and missed after all this time.

. . . . .

That is true. I think we never die in the hearts and minds of people who love us. :)

Lynette January 14, 2010 at 2:24 AM  

love love love this picture!! I should "steal" all your sunrise/sunset photos and compile them. :-)

Aileen Siroy January 14, 2010 at 3:40 AM  

Lynette said...
love love love this picture!! I should "steal" all your sunrise/sunset photos and compile them. :-)

. . . . .

Steal all you can. LOL! :D Thank you, Nette. You're very sweet. :)

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