08 April 2011

Remembering Grandpa.


I just realized I haven't really blogged about my grandpa's passing. I have been in a whirlwind of things since 2011 started and I just couldn't keep up telling every story. But this is the kind of story I want to tell.

Grandpa was sick for the longest time and although we were aware that he could go anytime, his death still felt sudden. No one was ready. I felt off-balanced when I heard the news. We lost grandma just ten months before and I haven't even mourned for her.

And yes, I haven't mourned for grandpa, too. After we laid him to rest, I went back immediately to work. I had trips to make, articles to write, and loads of pictures to edit (again) because I lost a lot of edited work when my laptop died on me. I have been into a marathon of activities since then and the only time I slowed down was when I got hit with flu. That's when I did a lot of thinking and realized that I am grandparents-orphan now, if there's even such a thing.

Last week, while nursing a 40C-fever, I cried my heart out while listening to my grandpa's voice I saved on my phone. We recorded our conversation with him during grandma's wake. My sisters asked him then: "Who is your favorite apo?" He answered without hesitation: "Si Aileen." And then he laughed -- the kind of laughter he makes when he is about to cry.

Losing someone you love is very painful. But I have been quite good at managing my own sorrow. Sometimes, there is no choice but to cope. There really is no time or excuse to break down or fall apart.

My family has been my constant source of comfort. I have friends, too, who understand my pain and are compassionate enough not to give me any more heartache. I know enough that we are able to survive better when we are surrounded by those whose love for us are steadfast and constant. I am grateful.


Mom looking at grandpa for the last time. Binky with my cousins, silently crying.
Mom and her brother, Tito Nonoy. My family after the burial ceremony
.

If I am in pain, Mom's pain must be doubly intense. I know how much she loves her parents. And I admire how she has remained very strong amidst all the loss.

I miss my grandparents. And right now, it feels like an entire lifetime is never enough to spend with the people you love.

. . . . .

First photo: Not my grandparents' grave. Just a random shot at the cemetery after the burial ceremony.

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10 left some love :

Liza April 10, 2011 at 10:30 AM  

Kahilakon ko reading about your grandfather's recorded message. He must love you a lot! I am sorry for your loss, Ai. It must be really painful. But I hope you take comfort in knowing that he lived a good life and he is now in a happy place with your grandmother. **HUGS**

konsuy April 11, 2011 at 8:13 AM  

i feel you, ai. i was holding my lolo's hand when he passed away years ago sa cancer. liza is right,they are now in a better place. hugs.

Badeth April 11, 2011 at 9:42 AM  

I felt sad reading the entire blog, but I blurted out a laughter when I read the note "not my grandfather's grave".

Kahit na sad ang entry may bungisngis pa rin at the end. And oh yes, bungisngis - your trademark - that when your time comes, that is how I will remember you. LOL.

julai April 11, 2011 at 10:18 PM  

Ate Ai, grabe wa na jd nago papugngi ang ahong luha when you talked about the recorded message. This post is very touching Ate and my decision of going home next year became firmer.

Thanks for this inspiration Ate and for being a constant inspiration.:)

Cindy April 13, 2011 at 10:50 AM  

I am sorry ai of the passing of your lolo, *hugs*... will say a prayer for the repose of his soul =(

Aileen Siroy April 13, 2011 at 9:04 PM  

Liza said...
Kahilakon ko reading about your grandfather's recorded message. He must love you a lot! I am sorry for your loss, Ai. It must be really painful. But I hope you take comfort in knowing that he lived a good life and he is now in a happy place with your grandmother. **HUGS**

. . . . .

Thanks, Liz. Yes, I do think he loved me the most (don't tell my cousins. :D) I feel kind of lost sometimes when I'm in Cebu because I used to visit them whenever I'm home.

I do find comfort in knowing that he and my grandma are together now. :)

Aileen Siroy April 13, 2011 at 9:06 PM  

konsuy said...
i feel you, ai. i was holding my lolo's hand when he passed away years ago sa cancer. liza is right,they are now in a better place. hugs.

. . . . .

That must've been really difficult, Chi, being there and holding his hand. Hugs back. We'll see them someday, where everything is better and happier. :)

Aileen Siroy April 13, 2011 at 9:08 PM  

Badeth said...
I felt sad reading the entire blog, but I blurted out a laughter when I read the note "not my grandfather's grave".

Kahit na sad ang entry may bungisngis pa rin at the end. And oh yes, bungisngis - your trademark - that when your time comes, that is how I will remember you. LOL.

. . . . .

Hahaha. You know me too much. :D

Aileen Siroy April 13, 2011 at 9:11 PM  

julai said...
Ate Ai, grabe wa na jd nago papugngi ang ahong luha when you talked about the recorded message. This post is very touching Ate and my decision of going home next year became firmer.

Thanks for this inspiration Ate and for being a constant inspiration.:)

. . . . .

I am glad you found some inspiration in this Jul. Really, death teaches us that spending time with our loved ones is more important than anything else. Treasure the time you get to spend with them when you come home. And I hope to see you then! :)

Aileen Siroy April 13, 2011 at 9:14 PM  

Cindy said...
I am sorry ai of the passing of your lolo, *hugs*... will say a prayer for the repose of his soul =(

. . . . .

Thank you, Cinds! :)

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