I just realized I haven't really blogged about my grandpa's passing. I have been in a whirlwind of things since 2011 started and I just couldn't keep up telling every story. But this is the kind of story I want to tell.
Grandpa was sick for the longest time and although we were aware that he could go anytime, his death still felt sudden. No one was ready. I felt off-balanced when I heard the news. We lost grandma just ten months before and I haven't even mourned for her.
And yes, I haven't mourned for grandpa, too. After we laid him to rest, I went back immediately to work. I had trips to make, articles to write, and loads of pictures to edit (again) because I lost a lot of edited work when my laptop died on me. I have been into a marathon of activities since then and the only time I slowed down was when I got hit with flu. That's when I did a lot of thinking and realized that I am grandparents-orphan now, if there's even such a thing.
Last week, while nursing a 40C-fever, I cried my heart out while listening to my grandpa's voice I saved on my phone. We recorded our conversation with him during grandma's wake. My sisters asked him then: "Who is your favorite apo?" He answered without hesitation: "Si Aileen." And then he laughed -- the kind of laughter he makes when he is about to cry.
Losing someone you love is very painful. But I have been quite good at managing my own sorrow. Sometimes, there is no choice but to cope. There really is no time or excuse to break down or fall apart.
My family has been my constant source of comfort. I have friends, too, who understand my pain and are compassionate enough not to give me any more heartache. I know enough that we are able to survive better when we are surrounded by those whose love for us are steadfast and constant. I am grateful.
Mom looking at grandpa for the last time. Binky with my cousins, silently crying.
Mom and her brother, Tito Nonoy. My family after the burial ceremony.
If I am in pain, Mom's pain must be doubly intense. I know how much she loves her parents. And I admire how she has remained very strong amidst all the loss.
I miss my grandparents. And right now, it feels like an entire lifetime is never enough to spend with the people you love.
. . . . .
First photo: Not my grandparents' grave. Just a random shot at the cemetery after the burial ceremony.